It’s Ok to Ask “Why Me”.

Hello friends. It’s been a rough couple of weeks in my household. You may have noticed a lack of social media posts, YouTube videos, and a delay in everything Dragonfly Paradigm. While we weathered the weeklong return to remote learning for my daughter, we did not fair so well since then, because our household was hit hard by COVID-19. Not only did I and my husband test positive, but our daughter did as well. Luckily, we are moving through with relatively mild symptoms, except for fatigue. The COVID fatigue is no joke.

We know our symptoms could have been much worse and are thankful that both my husband and I were vaccinated so we did not have severe reactions. It nevertheless didn’t stop me from asking “why me” after I initially got my positive test result.


Asking Why..

It’s completely normal to have feelings like this and ask questions like this when unfortunate events befall us. I know from my involvement in various parent groups of cleft children that once receiving a cleft diagnosis for their child, they often ask these kinds of questions. “Why did this happen”, “What did I do wrong”, “How could this happen”. There were times in my youth that I also asked “why me”. All these feelings are completely NORMAL.


It’s Normal to Wonder Why..

My family knew that by putting our daughter back in public school we could most likely all contract COVID. It was a risk we discussed and worked through as a family – weighing all the pros and cons. But that didn’t stop the feelings of trying to figure out why this would happen to us.


What is the “Why”..

In contrast to the known ways one can come down with COVID, there is still no clear reason as to why babies are born with a cleft. Although 1 in 700 babies worldwide are born with a cleft, the cause has yet to be definitively identified. There was no case of a cleft at all in my family – either on my mother or fathers’ side – prior to my birth. My mother’s doctor told her that a cleft can be both biologically passed on or can be caused through environmental issues. My daughter was not born with a cleft but has the chance of having a child of her own that will, since I do. There are many families that have clefts prominently in their families and could have 2 out of 3 children born with a cleft.

This “no rhyme nor reason” is the cause of much frustration when it comes to trying to answer the “why me” questions. For both parents, and cleft affected individuals themselves, we always want to know the “why”. But no matter if we find out the “why” or not, it doesn’t change the result. And constantly beating our heads against the wall trying to find out the “why”, will only drive us crazy and distract us form dealing with the situation at hand.


The Sage Advice Never Fails..

If you saw my last blog post where I talked about the sage advice my mom gave me long ago, I put it good use again during these past two weeks. I took my day (more like two) and had a good mope and wallow. Then I slowly began to work on shifting my perspective form “why me”, to “what can I do about it.” This small shift in perspective made all the difference, not just for my recent COVID situation, but for my journey through accepting my cleft and learning the lessons I have been taught me because of it.

So, when you feel yourself asking “why me”, go ahead and give yourself permission to feel your emotions, because it is ok. But then shift that question from “why me”, to “what can I do about it”. Shift your perspective. Start working with what you have around you to better your situation, instead of railing against the injustice and unfairness of it all.


I Love a List..

Not sure where to start? Do what I do. Make a list. (I love a list). What do you have available right now that you can use to help you move forward? Even the smallest thing can make a huge difference in how you view your situation. And putting that one small thing into action will pay huge dividends in the long run.

~Vickie